Self-Esteem, Professional Esteem, and Relational Esteem

You may appear competent and accomplished, yet privately feel unworthy, not enough, or haunted by chronic self-doubt. That’s the hidden impact of low self-esteem - it shapes how we experience success, love, failure, and belonging.

In therapy, we work to:

• Understand how your self-image was shaped by past relationships (Fonagy et al., 2002)

• Resolve the inner critic and resolve old shame (Gilbert, 2010)

• Strengthen your voice, and agency 

• Rebuild trust in your own perception, needs, and worth

This is not about inflating your ego and allowing miscreations to persist. It’s about creating a new experience of self - one grounded in dignity, presence, and real connection.

We all carry stories about who we are - some spoken, many peripheral. For many, these stories say: It's all my fault, I’m not enough, I’m too much, I don’t belong, nothing ever goes right for me. These beliefs can shape everything - from how we love and work to how we treat ourselves.

Self-esteem is more than confidence or positivity. Self-esteem is the lived sense that you are worthy of love, care, voice, and belonging. I join clients in working through the emotional wounds, patterns, and inner narratives that subvert our sense of self.

How Low Self-Esteem Might Show Up:

• Constant self-criticism or comparison

• Perfectionism, people-pleasing, or overworking

• Difficulty trusting your own feelings, needs, or decisions

• Feeling not “good enough” no matter what you achieve

• Struggling with boundaries or asserting yourself

• Dismissing yourself, while focusing on others.

If any of these feel familiar - you're likely carrying old messages from past relationships or environments that made your worth feel conditional.

Clinicians live in a paradox - we join others in navigating their deepest vulnerabilities, while confronting our own. Whether you’re early in your career or an experienced clinician, our internal sense of self - our professional esteem - is a central part of our clinical presence.

Together, we will work on developing a grounded, relationally attuned therapeutic identity.

We will engage the process of becoming - over performance or perfection.

Why Self-Esteem Matters for Clinicians

Low professional self-esteem can show up as:

• Imposter syndrome or self-doubt, even after years of training

• A strong inner critic when you "don’t know" or make mistakes

• Overfunctioning, emotional overinvestment, or burnout

• Avoiding clinical risk out of fear of failure

• Difficulty embodying therapeutic authority or voice

• Being overcome by client influence and pressures

These aren’t signs of weakness - they’re signals of the very human struggle therapists face in holding complex emotional space.

Supervision

I offer a reflective, process-focused experience where we can:

• Explore how personal history shapes our therapeutic presence

• Expand our voice, integrity, and clinical courage

• Practice emotional honesty and self-compassion

• Strengthen our capacity to sit with ambiguity and complexity

• Integrate meaning and vitality to our work

• Anchor our professional identity to our respective values, integrity, ethics, virtues, and purpose.

Nathaniel Branden’s Six Pillars of Self-Esteem offer a powerful map - not just for clients but also for therapists. When we embody these values, we become more grounded, clear, and connected in the therapy room.

Supervision That Develops the Self

The clinician is the intervention. That means supervision isn’t only about skills - it’s about who we are in the work. I join clinicians in building competence and character - a steady inner self that can meet the responsibility and emotional demands of our work with humility and strength.

In supervision, we explore:

• How self-esteem shapes our clinical presence, boundaries, and ethical clarity

• Where performance anxiety overrides relational attunement

• How to tolerate ambiguity without collapsing into self-doubt

• The subtle pull toward overfunctioning, withdrawal, or imposter syndrome

As Branden emphasized, self-esteem is not built through praise or success alone but through consistent action aligned with values, responsibility, and truth.

Is This Work Right for You?

Ask yourself:

• Do I struggle with chronic self-doubt, even when things go well?

• Is my self-worth tied to how much I achieve or how others perceive me?

• Do I silence myself in relationships or find it hard to set boundaries?

• Do I question whether I truly belong in the role as a clinician?

• Do I succumb to client pressures?

If any of these resonate, self-esteem work can offer a powerful path toward clarity, wholeness, and inner strength.

“Integrity is the integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs - and behavior.” ~ Branden (1994)

Nathaniel Branden's model of the Six Pillars of Self-Esteem provides a meaningful framework, which aligns with my therapeutic stance:

1. Living consciously

2. Self-acceptance

3. Self-responsibility

4. Self-assertiveness

5. Living purposefully

6. Personal integrity

In our work, we engage these pillars not as concepts to memorize, but as practices to embody - relationally, emotionally, and experientially.

Self-esteem is not about simply “feeling good” about yourself. Self-esteem is the felt sense that you are worthy of life - of love, care, voice, and belonging. Self-esteem develops through meaningful encounters and through internal practices that affirm your own reality.

Contemporary research supports Branden’s view that self-esteem is both intrapersonal and relational. Self-esteem involves how we see ourselves and how that self was shaped through connection (Kernis, 2003; Deci & Ryan, 1995).

Low self-esteem doesn’t always look like insecurity. Self-esteem may show up as perfectionism, overachievement, emotional numbness, or the chronic sense that you are “not enough” no matter what you do.

But self-esteem can be restored. And not through quick fixes - but through expanded, relational work that helps you reclaim what was always yours.

Enhancing self-esteem can lead to improved confidence, resilience, and overall well-being. With increased self-worth, individuals can navigate challenges more effectively, set boundaries, and pursue their goals with greater determination. Through personalized therapy sessions, you can embark on a transformative journey towards self-acceptance and inner strength.

“Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves.”
—Branden (1969)

While self-esteem refers to our internal sense of worth and integrity, relational-esteem highlights how that worth is affirmed, challenged, or refined through the quality of our interpersonal experiences. As social beings, we come to know ourselves through our impact on others, our capacity to be seen, and our ability to contribute meaningfully to relationships (Jordan, 2009; Leary & Baumeister, 2000).

In therapy, clients often discover that disruptions in relational-esteem, such as patterns of invalidation, emotional absence, or conditional acceptance, are at the core of their distress. Healing, then, involves not only recovering a solid sense of self but also restoring the ability to engage in relationships characterized by mutual regard, emotional honesty, and secure connection (Siegel, 2012; Gilbert, 2009). My approach attends to both the internal and relational dimensions of esteem, supporting clients in cultivating a sense of worth that is resilient, relationally grounded, and ethically aligned.

References

American Psychological Association. (2023). Stress in America 2023: A nation grappling with identity and self-worth. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2023/report

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Branden, N. (1994). The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Bantam.

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Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1995). Human autonomy and the basis for self-esteem. In M. H. Kernis (Ed.), Efficacy, agency, and self-esteem.

Farber, B. A. (2010). Supervision in Psychotherapy. APA.

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Rutkowska, E., Furmańska, J., Marques, C. C., Martins, M. J., Lane, H., & Meixner, J. (2025). Psychotherapists’ ethical dilemmas regarding online and face-to-face psychotherapy during the COVID-19 pandemic: Survey study. Journal of Medical Internet Research, 27. 

Shapiro, D. N., Anderson, C., Berrios-Siervo, G., MacDonald, B., Quinton, T. L., & Wilson, M. (2025). Well-being, burnout, and professional fulfillment among neuropsychologists and trainees in neuropsychology: Factors that contribute and recommendations for improvement. The Clinical Neuropsychologist, Advance online publication, 1–16.

Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

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